The Story of Trouser

It’s the year of the snake according to the Chinese zodiac. I figured now is as good as a time as any to share some funny stories about our pet snake Trouser (yes that’s his real name) What does Trouser have to do with Chinese New Year? Nothing really besides the fact that he is a snake. Since it’s the year of the snake it is technically HIS year. Trouser shall have a fabulous year. I should warn you, if you don’t like snakes or stories about snakes or the thought of a snake loose in your house for a week then don’t read this post! If you want to read about how I scared the crap out of myself and a potential near death experience then keep on reading. This story has everything, danger, adventure and most importantly… nudity.

First, a little back story. Trouser is a Ball Python we bought off Craigslist.  His name used to be Jessica. Jessica is a fine name for a snake but my husband thought Trouser was much better (you didn’t really think I was the one who came up with that name did you? )

Ball Pythons are a smaller  breed of snake and if you are into the whole “reptiles as pets” thing they make good pets. They only grow to about 4 or 5 feet and you can take them out of the cage and let them sit on your shoulders and well just let them sit on your shoulders. They aren’t too terribly exciting. Trouser eats rats we get from the pet store. I make sure I have nothing to do with the feeding since it’s disgusting.

Some of Trousers favorite hobbies besides eating rats include trying to escape from his cage and exploring the house once he has escaped. Normally we find him a few minutes after he has wormed his way out and on the loose.  A couple of times he was missing for much longer.

The first time Trouser escaped we noticed he wasn’t in his cage and after looking all around the spare bedroom his cage is situated in we figured he must be loose somewhere in the house. After looking high and low for several hours we decided to give up for the time being. I decided I should probably get some laundry done. When I walked into the laundry room I found this:

Even if you know there is a snake loose in your house and you could very well stumble upon him at any moment, finding a snake on top of your washing machine with scare you half to death!  Trouser was promptly put back in his cage and  we tried to secure the cage even more which worked pretty well unless you willingly let the snake out of his cage and then you have no one to blame but yourself. Or your husband since he was technically took him out. Which leads me to Episode 2. The time I could have died in a snake discovery incident.

One day my husband and I were sitting on the couch watching T.V and my husband decided to take Trouser out and let him relax on his shoulders. Unfortunately we were both really tired from work that day and we drifted off to sleep on the couch . When we woke up several hours later we realized that trouser was gone.  We searched around the living room and all around the house but there was no sign of him. We figured he must have slithered his way into the inside of the couch and was stuck. We un-stapled  the bottom of the upholstery on the couch but again- no luck and now the couch was half ruined. We finally gave up and accepted the fact that he would either show up one day randomly or we would end up smelling the stench of deceased snake stuck in-between the walls.

Fast forward to a week later I was up and about getting ready for work. Making my breakfast and doing those things you do in  the morning. I hopped into the shower to hose my self off and once I decided I was fresh and clean enough I turned off the faucet and pulled back the shower curtain. You can imagine my horror when as I am standing in the shower nude, one foot out of the tub, hand reaching for the towel on the back of the door when I spied Trouser slithering his way out of the over turned toilet plunger.  I’m almost certain my neighbors could hear the screams. Luckily I didn’t slip and fall and break my neck. Somehow I managed to keep my balance, grab the towel and run the eff out of there!

In the week that trouser was missing he managed to make his way all the way across the house and for some reason decided that the master bathroom was the place to be. In the plunger or all places. I guess the hot steam from the shower enticed him out. As I said before, even if you know a snake is loose in the house and you could very well stumble upon him at any moment nothing will prepare you for that terrifying moment you are naked and wet staring at a 3 foot snake crawling out of your plunger.

I’m happy to report there have been no major snake escapes since then. After the shower incident Trouser got himself a new cage 🙂

As I am writing this a bunch more animal horror stories are coming to my mind. For some reason there is always animal drama going on in my life. If reading about snakes didn’t turn you off from returning to my blog forever then maybe next time I will tell you about the rat incident in my old apartment.

Do you have any funny or scary animal stories? Share with us in the comments

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